Concern Troll
The concern troll has arrived! I recently snapped a funny picture of a brewery sign while out for a run and put it in my Instagram story. Someone replied, "Stop joking about beer. It causes all your body problems. You might be amazed at what would happen if you put in just a little more effort to be healthier."
I think every person with body and weight struggles has met the concern troll at least once. “I’m worried about you. You know, if you just (exercised more/tried a little harder/ate less), your problems would all be solved.”
The reality is that the intentions behind these types of comments are tone deaf at best and really cruel at worst. This is my list of advice to the concern trolls:
WHAT I EAT AND DO ISN’T YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS:
It’s almost as if any fat person has to demonstrate that they are surviving on a diet of air, celery, and water to prove that they are worthy of not being judged. Go out for a friend’s birthday or occasionally indulge in an M and M? “You’re not trying hard enough, and you know, if you just had some will power things would be better.” People who say this shit are probably the same people who think people in poverty should be dressed in rags and potato sacks if they even dare to use their EBT card at the supermarket.
NOT EVERYONE IS JEALOUS OF “PERFECT” BODIES, NOR DOES EVERYONE WANT ONE:
Recently, I saw someone rant about fat people online saying that if they would just put the same effort into eating right and fitness that they put into calling out people who “shame” them or being jealous of “beach bodies” (air quotes aren’t mine), they wouldn’t have a problem anymore. This implies that everyone wants to be thin or muscular or whatever and that the anger stems from jealousy. No, the anger comes from the constant messaging, both intended and unintended, that there is something inherently wrong with someone’s body, followed by the dismissals that we are bitter, jealous, or attention-seeking when we try to speak out to the contrary.
YOU DON’T HAVE ANY GENUINE CONCERN FOR MY HEALTH AND YOU KNOW IT:
Today, at this exact moment, I weigh 260 pounds. I’ve been as heavy as 335 and as light as 220 in my adult life. The time when I was at my smallest was also the time I sought treatment for an eating disorder. I was thinner, but for many reasons, I wasn’t healthier. I love my body so much more at 260 pounds than I did at 220 pounds and by many measures, I’m not in a bad spot health-wise according to my last physical. Weight and body issues deal with both mental and physical health. Someone who is truly concerned about my health would recognize that. Rather, the concern troll uses health as a loose justification for insulting behavior.
I decided not to share the message and to mask the identity of this person because I’m not out for revenge or vigilante justice. I'm also not out for reassurance that I'm fine or compliments on my body. I know what's good and bad about it and I'm pretty secure in that regard. Rather, I share this for the purpose of awareness and reflection. As part of my professional journey, I’ve been trying to learn more about bias and explore its effects on other people. The efforts have led me to oscillate between being an amazing human and a complete shit person depending on the day, but still, I wish to learn. I’ve learned quite a bit by hearing the stories of others and knowing that people who are different from me experience the world in a different way, and it is often not positive. I will never fully understand their stories, but my awareness is a step in developing empathy.
My audience may never fully understand the challenges of being a fat gay man. Some might even dismiss what I have to say because they see me as just a lazy, bitter, single, fat queen. Or someone might refuse to believe what I say because being fat is a moral failing and fat people deserve to be mistreated, similar to the language people use when justifying all matter of shitty behavior. (Example: “You know, if people who are (fill in the blank) would just stop (name of completely justifiable behavior) and tried to (insert name of supposedly more acceptable behavior)...”)
I’m open to learning how to be better and I hope I can help others in the same journey.
I think every person with body and weight struggles has met the concern troll at least once. “I’m worried about you. You know, if you just (exercised more/tried a little harder/ate less), your problems would all be solved.”
The reality is that the intentions behind these types of comments are tone deaf at best and really cruel at worst. This is my list of advice to the concern trolls:
WHAT I EAT AND DO ISN’T YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS:
It’s almost as if any fat person has to demonstrate that they are surviving on a diet of air, celery, and water to prove that they are worthy of not being judged. Go out for a friend’s birthday or occasionally indulge in an M and M? “You’re not trying hard enough, and you know, if you just had some will power things would be better.” People who say this shit are probably the same people who think people in poverty should be dressed in rags and potato sacks if they even dare to use their EBT card at the supermarket.
NOT EVERYONE IS JEALOUS OF “PERFECT” BODIES, NOR DOES EVERYONE WANT ONE:
Recently, I saw someone rant about fat people online saying that if they would just put the same effort into eating right and fitness that they put into calling out people who “shame” them or being jealous of “beach bodies” (air quotes aren’t mine), they wouldn’t have a problem anymore. This implies that everyone wants to be thin or muscular or whatever and that the anger stems from jealousy. No, the anger comes from the constant messaging, both intended and unintended, that there is something inherently wrong with someone’s body, followed by the dismissals that we are bitter, jealous, or attention-seeking when we try to speak out to the contrary.
YOU DON’T HAVE ANY GENUINE CONCERN FOR MY HEALTH AND YOU KNOW IT:
Today, at this exact moment, I weigh 260 pounds. I’ve been as heavy as 335 and as light as 220 in my adult life. The time when I was at my smallest was also the time I sought treatment for an eating disorder. I was thinner, but for many reasons, I wasn’t healthier. I love my body so much more at 260 pounds than I did at 220 pounds and by many measures, I’m not in a bad spot health-wise according to my last physical. Weight and body issues deal with both mental and physical health. Someone who is truly concerned about my health would recognize that. Rather, the concern troll uses health as a loose justification for insulting behavior.
I decided not to share the message and to mask the identity of this person because I’m not out for revenge or vigilante justice. I'm also not out for reassurance that I'm fine or compliments on my body. I know what's good and bad about it and I'm pretty secure in that regard. Rather, I share this for the purpose of awareness and reflection. As part of my professional journey, I’ve been trying to learn more about bias and explore its effects on other people. The efforts have led me to oscillate between being an amazing human and a complete shit person depending on the day, but still, I wish to learn. I’ve learned quite a bit by hearing the stories of others and knowing that people who are different from me experience the world in a different way, and it is often not positive. I will never fully understand their stories, but my awareness is a step in developing empathy.
My audience may never fully understand the challenges of being a fat gay man. Some might even dismiss what I have to say because they see me as just a lazy, bitter, single, fat queen. Or someone might refuse to believe what I say because being fat is a moral failing and fat people deserve to be mistreated, similar to the language people use when justifying all matter of shitty behavior. (Example: “You know, if people who are (fill in the blank) would just stop (name of completely justifiable behavior) and tried to (insert name of supposedly more acceptable behavior)...”)
I’m open to learning how to be better and I hope I can help others in the same journey.
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