Forever 21

Intention is important to the message. However, when the intention isn’t clear, the receiver of the message is going to fill in the details. Honestly, I’m not sure if I would be offended if a diet bar came with my order of XXL t-shirts. I’m often hungry after work when I get my mail, so I might be excited for a free snack. At the same time, being a larger gay man, there is a long history of trauma associated with my body and my weight. I feel as if it’s important to mention the gay male part here, as it plays a role in these past traumas, and research in body issues and eating disorders highly suggests I’m not alone. I’ve had some really horrible things said and done to me that were directly in response to my weight. It fueled my healthy desire to be a runner. It also fueled an unhealthy relationship with food and disordered eating that has taken me seeking professional help to improve. I still receive comments about my weight that are direct and nasty. Back in January, a guy on Scruff (a gay dating app) messaged me while at the gym to tell me to get back on the treadmill because I was still fat. However, it’s the ambiguous comments that bother me more. I recently went to a run club that offered a free dinner for runners. As I went to grab a sandwich, an employee of the establishment informed me the food was for the run club. In that moment, my brain went a reptilian place where I immediately felt as if I was being attacked for not “looking” like a runner. However, there could have been many other reasons for her comment that have nothing to do with my body. So, this brings us back to the diet bars and the many internet warriors who have called the people who are upset out for being too sensitive or that they should put the effort they put into complaining to lose weight. When you’ve been given a repeated message that there is something wrong with you, it’s easy to see the smallest action as yet another attack. Death by a thousand paper cuts isn’t particularly fun.